i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
