I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
