I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
