Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
