is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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