nut hugger
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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