Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
