My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
