I puked a lego.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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