five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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