What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
