I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
