Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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