Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
