I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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