Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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