you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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