Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...