everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep