Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with

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  (518): At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with http://tfl.nu/oe7q
  Replies (13) Good night (933) Bad night (3720)
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  (518): View more from New York

  just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her

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  (518): just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her http://tfl.nu/hb22
  Replies (74) Good night (8917) Bad night (977)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.

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  (508): I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me. http://tfl.nu/i71i
  Replies (13) Good night (1062) Bad night (4618)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2

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  (804): my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2 http://tfl.nu/hna9
  Replies (9) Good night (1479) Bad night (2971)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Someone shattered a urinal.

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  (678): Someone shattered a urinal. http://tfl.nu/a493
  Replies (8) Good night (1677) Bad night (866)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  It's never too late to be topless.

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  (614): It's never too late to be topless. http://tfl.nu/ybgn
  Replies (11) Good night (2947) Bad night (887)
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  (646): View more from New York

  still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious

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  (646): still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious http://tfl.nu/u252
  Replies (4) Good night (697) Bad night (1584)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.

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  (778): the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting. http://tfl.nu/qa9b
  Replies (1) Good night (1276) Bad night (657)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.

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  (215): so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/j7g1
  Replies (12) Good night (1384) Bad night (428)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.

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  (317): The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often. http://tfl.nu/fdr3
  Replies (4) Good night (2025) Bad night (437)
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  (914): View more from New York

  The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.

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  (914): The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes. http://tfl.nu/xsso
  Replies (8) Good night (1083) Bad night (430)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here

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  (406): the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here http://tfl.nu/np6z
  Replies (5) Good night (1840) Bad night (370)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole

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  (865): I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole http://tfl.nu/7gdi
  Replies (8) Good night (527) Bad night (986)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?

  (210): View more from Texas

  Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine

  (830): View more from Texas

  drunken problem solving at its finest

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  (830): Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra? (210): Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine (830): drunken problem solving at its finest http://tfl.nu/2c5e
  Replies (2) Good night (1030) Bad night (280)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.

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  (814): I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait. http://tfl.nu/20g4
  Replies (2) Good night (722) Bad night (397)

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