My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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