what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
