Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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