Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
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The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
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Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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