Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
