i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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