Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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