you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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