I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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