Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
