i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
