Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
