She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
