My nipple is on Facebook.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
