if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
