i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
