Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
