he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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