Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
