Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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