weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
