You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
