I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize