sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
