can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
