There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
