A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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