Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
