i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
