for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
