I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
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I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
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There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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