he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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