Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
