Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
