You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
