nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
