I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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