it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
