she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
