I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
