Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
