Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
