I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Sober January is a disaster.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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