Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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