you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
