so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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