Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
