Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
