I think my fart just growled at me.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
